Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Now That Wasn't So Bad, Was It?


Tom's sound asleep on the couch with a full belly after 24 hours of a clear liquid diet (otherwise known to a grown man as starvation), the residual effects of a variety of drugs (including Xanax for anxiety) in his system, and the knowledge that the entire ordeal is now behind him.

So to speak.

I've been a mean, stubborn, doting, loving wife who, in spite of years of my husband's protests and whining, insisted that he get a colonoscopy.  Today was the day.

Actually, yesterday was THE day.  Beginning at midnight on Sunday night, Tom was allowed only clear liquid.  Last night that clear liquid was (to quote Dave Barry) "about 32 gallons of something called MoviPrep, a "nuclear laxative" that tastes like "a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon."

Tom drank this concoction without complaint.  Then I conveniently went shopping for stuff I didn't need and can't afford, just so he could, well... deplete himself in peace.

Throughout the evening, Tom complained about wanting seven hamburgers (with fries), but about little else. At 3:30 AM the alarm rang and he was at it again, drinking the last 17 gallons of the MoviPrep and probably dozing on the toilet -- or not. 

Later this morning, Tom took the one Xanax pill that was prescribed for him when he told the doctor about his extreme trepidation about invasive procedures -- and then he was out for another hour of sleep.

He woke up at 7:30, groggy but not particularly anxious (thanks, Xanax!), and we were off.  At the doctor's office, Tom was wisked back almost before I could tell him to have fun (mean wife that I am) and give him a kiss.  The receptionist gave me the key to the office's wireless access and I buried myself in work for the next two hours while Tom was buried in... well, was burrowed into.

My name was called and I greeted Tom at the patients' "after" door.  He looked calm, cool, and collected and was sharing banter with a friendly nurse about the big meal he was about to eat.

So it was behind him!  All the worry, all that preparation, and now the colonoscopy is finally behind him!  And it really wasn't bad!  Even Tom will tell you that -- I promise.

So all you men out there who have fretted and avoided, it's time.  It's time for your routine (ha!) colonoscopy.  Carol AND Tom say so.

Craig, this means YOU!  :-)

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Anonymous said...

I have getting colonoscopies since I turned 45 now - and really, I don't know what all the fuss is about. It's not that bad! Sure, drinking that gallon of vile stuff is not pleasant, but by no means unbearable. My mother and her sister both died from colon cancer, so I'm at risk and sure don't mind the minor inconvenience of having a colonscopy done. I don't remember anything at all about the actual procedure.

Margaret said...

Well, mine was terrible, so a lot depends on the person. (my husband sailed through his) However, our specialist only required us to drink a little 4 oz. container of stuff twice a day. That's the latest thing and it isn't too bad, except that it made me nauseated for the whole day. Then I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and threw up 4 times in the parking lot. I ended up getting dehydrated and felt horrible for two days after that. I am NOT excited to get another one in 5 years.

Anonymous said...

Hi Carol, Thanks for the reminder. I took care of it several years ago (no problems), and also strongly recommend others do too.

jennifer said...

I thought mine was wonderful because I loved that "twilight drug" they put me on. And my prep was the same as Margaret - the little 4oz thing called "Fleet Phospho-Soda." The only thing I didn't like was the day of starvation; if I had just starved myself completely it would have been fine. But instead I drank ginger ale and apple juice and ended up getting a headache from all the sugar.

After the procedure (thanks to the twilight drug) I had the most wonderful relaxing night's sleep! Too bad I have to wait another 10 years for the next one.

Love your photo on this entry too, BTW.

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