Prospecting and a proposal!

In our family, if it happened once and it was fun, it will forevermore be considered a TRADITION.

Heading south to Quincy, California for a week on Danny's prospecting claims is now one of our favorite family traditions. It's a two-day trip there and a two-day trip back. Normally we'd stay in a hotel, but this damn Covid-19 pandemic has made 2020 anything but normal. We're not about to stay in a hotel, and we're definitely not about to fly anywhere, so a few weeks ago we bought ourselves a cute little trailer.

It's smaller than our last beloved trailer, but our winding, curvy hilly driveway just barely accommodates it, so if we want to travel, this is our option. It's just right for us where we are now in our lives - figuratively and literally. Tom added a solar system (that is, a system for solar power!) to keep the lights on for a week off-grid and Danny brought his "miner's/fireman hose" to keep the tank filled with creek water, so we were all set.

It's a long drive from Gig Harbor to Quincy, and state parks have been closed due to the pandemic, so we made a reservation at an RV park in Grant's Pass, Oregon, which marks the approximate halfway point. When we drove in, we were greeted by multiple Trump/Pence signs.

Not just one, but many of them. To be honest, we probably would have turned around and found somewhere else to stay the night, but RV parks were all jam-packed because public parks were closed, so our options were severely limited. Once we settled in, I decided to talk to the owners, suggesting that they discourage (any) political signs, as most people travel to get away from things like politics, but in the office I noticed a - yup, Trump/Pence sign. Suffice it to say that we slept and left. How sad that politics in this country has gotten to this point. I plead guilty for my role in it, but I stand vehemently against just about everything Trump stands for and have to say that if you love the guy, well... unfriend me, please.

Fortunately, the rest of the trip was filled with beauty. Even the rest stop, with the amazing view of Mt. Shasta, was pretty!

The last two miles of the trip, a rough dirt road, took about an hour, with Danny helping Tom fill in huge gaps, ridges, and holes with logs and rocks.

It was a long, hot haul to get to the claim, but oh, the beauty that greeted us!

We hadn’t seen Kat and Ian since before this damn pandemic began and we had planned this reunion carefully, with testing and quarantining all around, so that initial hug was like new life being breathed into me!

Elisabeth, Danny, and little Leo had caravaned from Washington with us and we met Kat and Ian, along with Ian’s mom (also named Kat, nicknamed “Mom Kat” to avoid confusion with our daughter, Kat), her friend (also named Tom, nicknamed “Tom Not Dad” to avoid confusion with “our” Tom), and Ian’s brother, Arden. Now all ten of us were finally together, ready for a fun week of prospecting, playing, and relaxing. We parked the trailer next to Kat and Ian’s new Westfalia van and the Markus’ tent, and settled in. 

The next morning, as I walked the few steps from the campsite to the river, Ian approached me and announced that he was going to propose to Kat that morning! We’ve known Ian for over 15 years, since he was Elisabeth’s housemate at Cal and 15-year-old Kat’s “crush.” He’s always felt like part of the family and now he was about to officially become part of the family! A few minutes later I caught a photo of Ian as he told Tom of his plan for the morning. 

Ian had asked Danny to help with specifics: Danny would hand Kat a prospecting pan that was ready for “processing” (the step in which the heavy dirt - and hopefully gold - are separated from rock and other “debris” by shaking and moving the pan just under the surface of the water). In that pan, Danny had placed the ring Ian had brought. Wisely, Ian brought two inexpensive rings, as that river can be quick... 

This is what happened next:

As both families looked on, Ian and Kat became engaged! We quickly named the location “Proposal Pond” and celebrated with champagne! 

What a great way to start our week together! 

The rest of the week was full of fun, relaxation, and yes, even a bit of gold. 

And we got a whole week with Leo - who is far more toddler now than baby. He’s such a cutie, and so much fun!

I especially love this little montage of Tom and Leo. Leo adores his Papa!

What a week it was! After being relegated to home for months, this was such a welcome and unforgettable respite and celebration of family, love, and hope for the future.

This is your PSA (public service announcement) about your PSA (prostate-specific antigen) test.

Four years ago, during the summer of 2014, I was forced to ponder the possibility of life without Tom when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. (I blogged about it previously here and here and here.)

Long story short, our Independence Day celebration in 2014 was cut short when Tom ended up at the ER with what we thought was a bladder infection. Pain meds and antibiotics didn’t touch it, so within a few days we were at a urologist’s office, where a PSA blood test revealed an abnormally high score of 49. Knowing that a score higher than 4 can signify prostate cancer, I began to panic – and research. (Tom did neither of those things which, in retrospect, was wise. Dr. Google can be terrifying!)
Three weeks after his PSA test, Tom underwent a biopsy, which revealed stage one prostate cancer. Stage ONE! Not stage four, as I had feared and researched myself into believing. I cried happy tears when the urologist told us the news – which absolutely baffled Tom who, having no idea what I had encountered in my researched, questioned why I seemed relieved. It was only then that I revealed my fears to him. So he had to get used to the idea of having cancer at all, and I could breathe a sigh of relief that he’d be around for a while, after all!

The urologist suggested removing the prostate surgically. But we decided to take some time to breathe and to get a second opinion at the University of Washington/Seattle Cancer Care Alliance, one of the top cancer centers in the country. Since the biopsy had shown that Tom’s cancer was stage one and slow-growing, he opted to take part in an “active surveillance” study through the university. Participants in this study have a PSA test once every three months and a biopsy once every 18 months to two years. Many men stay in the study for years, with little to no change in their cancer. Unfortunately, Tom won’t be among that group, as his cancer is now early stage two – still not a panic situation but, according to his current doctor, time to “look into options.” We are still confident that the cancer is well contained within the prostate, but we know that this is NOT a cancer you want to deal with once it has “escaped the capsule,” as they say. In those cases, it can be a killer.
So we are currently looking into treatment options. None of them are great, and all of them come with some degree of risk of both incontinence and impotence – though an excellent surgeon (which we have) can often spare nerves so both can be restored. (We’re too young for this!)
We feel confident that we caught this cancer early – thanks to a terrible infection four years ago. But we are still amazed that prostate cancer, the second biggest killer of men, doesn’t have the spotlight that breast cancer has for women. Men, it seems, are not routinely encouraged to have PSA tests the way women are encouraged to have regular mammograms.
Granted, the PSA is not a perfect predictor of prostate cancer, as it’s prone to false positives, but it is something!  I have begged our sons (29 and 31) to get baseline PSA tests (even asked for it for Christmas this year!) because both their grandfathers and their father had/have prostate cancer. But in my opinion, EVERY man should include a prostate screening in their regular check-ups, beginning sometime around 35-45. This means a DRE (digital rectal exam) and a PSA (blood test). I asked our PCP why this isn’t done on a routine basis and he said that most practitioners will do both tests when requested (and seriously, would the average man ask for a DRE?!), but that it just isn’t the “gold standard” at this point.
Tom and I began to mention this to our family and friends and were amazed at the number of men in their 50s, 60s and older who have never had a PSA test!
So this is our PSA regarding your PSA:
MEN: PLEASE, please, please… GET ONE!
PARTNERS: PLEASE, please, please… make sure he GETS ONE!
Rant over.

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Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Danny and Elisabeth Markus!

This post is long overdue. They all are these days, but this one is especially overdue because Danny and Elisabeth are barely even newlyweds anymore, having been married for, like, EVER.

Or since June, anyway…

You don’t need me to yammer on about what an amazing day it was (it was an AMAZING day!).

And you don’t need me to tell you how much we love Danny (we LOVE Danny).

And you don’t want to hear about the many months of planning that went it to this amazing day (MANY months… AMAZING day!).

You want to see PHOTOS! Am I right?

OK, fine. But I might need to add some captions. Deal?

Elisabeth and Danny were married at DeLillie Cellars in Woodinville. When they reserved the venue, we lived in Woodinville, but life took a few quick and unexpected turns and it turns out that we had already moved to Gig Harbor! So, like everyone else, we traveled to Woodinville for the weekend.

Here are a few photos of before the ceremony:

The beautiful bride. Yes, I’m biased, but isn’t she?!

Mom with her two beautiful daughters. Kat, Elisabeth’s younger sister, was the maid of honor.

These are not just any wedding rings. Danny, an avid prospector, actually pulled the gold in his ring out of the earth! He joked for years before they got married, that he couldn’t marry Elisabeth until he had enough self-mined gold to make a ring.

The gem is Alexandrite. It changes color! I always insist it’s purple, even when everyone else sees green. I wonder what that means.

Yes, I was a bit choked up -- all day!

Maid of Honor, getting ready. When did my little girl become such a beautiful woman?!

Zoe was the Maid of Honor’s honorable canine. I just love that this wedding was dog-friendly – though we didn’t bring Quinn because we selfishly wanted to focus on the humans of the day, not our little Quinn-cess.

Grace, Danny and Elisabeth’s sweet (huge) dog, was very much part of the day!

Alex and Peter paid a visit to us as we were getting ready. I don’t see them anywhere near enough these days, and I miss them both!

This is Danny, getting ready with his sister Michelle and her husband, Kenny. I love that we’re all now family!

Elisabeth and Danny wrote their own vows, full of love, honor, and support – and without any “obey” bullshit, of course.

The ceremony was, in a word, EPIC!

Kat and I helped with Elisabeth’s dress as she went to meet Danny for the “first look.” She had successfully managed to keep her dress hidden from him for almost six months!

My guess is that Danny was impressed.

Apparently there’s a tradition in Indian weddings, where the bride and groom lead a dance to the site of the ceremony. I’m so glad Danny and Elisabeth adopted this for their wedding. The mood was just pure JOY!

And the ceremony itself… brace yourself, because it was amaaaaazing (and not at all traditional)! Well, maybe it began as a traditional wedding ceremony…

The bride and her very proud father.

I don’t think Tom took his eyes off Elisabeth the whole time. He wanted to appreciate every second of this walk down the isle!

Danny walked his mother (and Grace), down the isle. I just love Kathleen’s tennis shoes!

My handsome sons walked me down the isle.

Ah, the story of Kat and Ian!

OK, Reader’s Digest version: Ian has been Elisabeth’s best friend since they were freshmen at Cal together in 2002. Kat’s first plane trip alone, when she was 13, was to visit her sister. She met Ian, who was 18. Instant crush, but… really?! Fast forward about 15 years: Ian has gotten his PhD in chemistry at Harvard and opened the Ian B Seiple Lab at UC San Francisco, and Kat has moved to San Francisco to live with him! Those five years that were a big deal at 13/18 aren’t such a big deal at 28/33 – and that crush? Well, it most definitely continues! (Psssst – we also love Ian!)

It was such a lovely ceremony!

Yeah, I know. Verklemmt again!

I love the way Elisabeth looks at Danny in this photo…

…and how she looks at her new wedding ring (‘this thing is happening!’) in this photo!

At this point in the ceremony, things took a bit of well, an… unusual turn. Danny and Elisabeth had asked Ian to be in charge of the unity ceremony.

Ian is a chemistry professor…

You know where I’m going with this, right?

Um… YEAH.

Ian spoke of UNITY and LOVE and well, chemistry, all those good things. But to be honest, I can’t remember details because I was thinking, ‘Please don’t blow us all up!’ (Not really; he would never do that!)

And then it was time to PAR-TAY!

Happy! Happy! Happy! I just love the sheer happiness at weddings – especially this one!

Of course, there were the requisite family and wedding party photos:

Danny and Elisabeth with Danny’s family.

Danny and Elisabeth with Danny’s mom, sister, and brother-in-law.

Our family!

Hey look – I have a new son!

The goofy wedding party.

The reception was wonderful!

On each table, Danny and Elisabeth shared aspects of their lives…

Elisabeth’s career in anesthesia…

…their beloved (and quirky) VW bus…

…their mutual love of their annual trips to Burning Man. (I wish I had photos of all these center pieces! There was one for Grace, one for Danny’s career as an actuary, one for their love of rock climbing, etc.)

And suddenly the daughter is… parental?!

The food was incredible!

Kat gave a hilarious speech that had everyone in stitches!

Then I talked about “The 25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 years of Marriage.”

(Since some have requested that I post those 25 things, here they are:

· Laughter is sometimes more important than conversation.

· Conversation is sometimes more important than silence.

· Silence is sometimes more important than righteousness.

· Kindness is most important when the incentive for it is lowest.

· Staying angry is difficult when you're laughing.

· "Being nice" is very effective.

· Traveling in the same direction sometimes means staying put.

· Passion may fade, but true intimacy grows in its place.

· Unconditional support is sometimes the best thing you can give.

· Winning isn't always winning.

· Trust is much more powerful than jealousy.

· Marriage is an ebb and flow endeavor, with each lasting anywhere from hours to years.

· Pooling finances emphasizes the meaning of "ours" and "in this together."

· Hugging and kissing in front of the kids makes them happy.

· Planting a garden together is good for your relationship.

· Good sex is important.

· A good marriage is a gift to your children's future relationships.

· Shared interests are important. So is having interests of your own.

· Good parenting is sexy.

· Misfortune can be a favor.

· Playfulness isn't stupid.

· Don’t count on changing each other, but DO count on change IN each other.

· Dating is hot.

· Early birds and night owls can co-exist.

· The habit that annoyed you in year one will still annoy you in year twenty-five. (And also in year 35!)

Then Tom gave a toast that began, “I have just a few short things to say…” and down cascaded his “few notes”!

It was sweet and funny and kind and self-effacing – just like Tom.

Then the sun began to go down and the photographer whisked away the happy couple for a few (amazing) photos.

And then we all partied into the night!

The day went by so very fast, but the memories will last forever!

I love these two with all my heart and I’m so happy that they found each other and (finally) made it all official with a damn fun party!