Monday, February 04, 2008

The Official Medical Term is "Sludgeball"

I had a mammogram and a breast ultrasound this morning because I found a lump in December.

The reason that I haven't mentioned this previously and the reason that I sound cavalier is...well, because I am. I'm prone to benign fluid-filled cysts and I was 98% sure that this was simply another one of those pesky but harmless balloons-in-a-boob.

After having my breasts squished every which way to Tuesday (but I swear, it felt like Saturday!), I was sent into another room to have an ultrasound done by the specialist doctor. (They were plum out of techs today, it seems.) He immediately honed in on the familiar black balloon and I said, "Yup -- it's another cyst!" And he said, "Yup, sure enough." And that was going to be that.

Except it wasn't. Inside that round black lake (good) was a white island (not good). He and I both saw it at the same time and, being the nosy, question-asking, prodding variety of patient, I immediately asked, "And what is that?!" He replied honestly, "I don't know, but we'll need to check it out." At that point, my casual, chatty demeanor changed immediately and I shut up. He ran the ultrasound over and around the big round black spot, stopping when the white spot became more pronounced.

"Hmmmmmm..." he said. I hate it when doctors say "Hmmmm..." The longer the "mmmmm" and the deeper and more monotone the utterance, the more I hate it. This "hmmmmmmm" wasn't especially ominous, but it still made me nervous.

"Hmmmm..." said Dr. Maragam. (I know --with a name like that, he chose the right field, eh?!) "Tell you what. I want you to lie on your right side. Let's see if this sludegball likes gravity."

"This what?" I asked.

"Well, we hope it's a sludgeball, anyway. We hope it's just a piece of gunk."

"Is that the medical term?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Well, 'gunk' isn't, but 'sludgeball' is. Let's hope it's a gravity-lovin' sludgeball."

"That's what I was thinking on my way here," I teased. "I hope I have a gravity-lovin' sludgeball in my boobie."

"Me too," he assured me, explaining that if it "falls" when I lie on my side, it's loose in the lake, which would be a good thing. I couldn't help but conjure images of the Loch Ness monster...

As I moved onto my right side, the sludgeball dropped to the bottom of the lake. No wait -- wrong visual; it dropped to the downhill shore of the lake. Good sludgeball!

"Now turn onto your left side and let's see what it does," Dr. Maragam suggested. So I turned onto the other side and he proceeded to move the wand over -- the other breast! I didn't say anything for a few moments. Nor did he. Nor did his nurse.

'Hmmmmmm,' I thought (which is far less worrisome than those 'hmmmmmms' that doctors say), 'Maybe this is for comparison. Maybe there's something I don't get. Maybe I'll sound like a fool if I ask...'

So I asked, never one to mind all that much if I do look a little foolish. It wouldn't be the first time for sure and it certainly wouldn't be the last!

"Um, why that breast, if I may ask?"

The doctor withdrew the ultrasound wand as if it was being burned by my skin! "OH!" he blurted. "Well!"

"I figured it was for comparison," I suggested quickly, offering him an easy way out.

"Well, it would be nice if I could say that, but I can't. I was just being absent-minded!" I decided to give the guy a break. I mean, really -- he has to deal with set after set of these things all day long. It must be monotonous as hell! But still, when it's mine he's dealing with, I want his full attention! (You know you're really old and that you've been married for eons when you can only say that about your mammogram doctor...)

Fortunately, the sludgeball dropped obediently when I turned from side to side, obeying the laws of gravity and relieving us of any worry about cancer.

So today, for the first time, I was ever so grateful for gravity's effect on my breasts. Which just goes to show you that perspective is everything!

And speaking of perspective, I couldn't resist posting this:

Stumble Upon Toolbar

9 comments:

Peter H said...

alls well that ends well......and I do like the joke, even If seen before. Women having a decent jibe at MEN!

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

I've never been happier to hear that someone I like has a sludgeball in a floating cyst. Hmmmmm...

And I loved the joke at the end - I haven't seen it before! ;-)

Becky said...

Hmm! I was once told I had sludge in my gall bladder. That stuff really gets around! lol

Goofball said...

a gravity-lovin' sludgeball??? Hmm I learn something new everyday. Well good for you that it is such a sludge thingie!! Pheww.
so does that need treatment?

I didn't get the joke at the end though.

Claire said...

Sludgeballs are a good thing. Who knew?? You be sure to keep an eye on your sludge!

Lynda said...

Hey thanks for dropping by - can't wait to see your 'kitchen window' shot. I have added you to my 'reader' so will have a little look around! Cheers Lynda

susan said...

Now I wonder who came up with that highly scientific name? I'm glad all is well. :)

blackcrag said...

I'm glad that it was a good news day for you.

Pabst beer? Is that some kind of German brand? Where can I get some?

Sam said...

Hi - have just found your blog (via "A slice of life") and am thoroughly enjoying reading the older posts.

I just had to tell you that I laughed out loud at the joke at the end - pabst beer indeed!! I love it - and it's not often that I laugh out loud from something on the net!! (smile or giggle perhaps, but not actually out loud - thanks!)

Related Posts with Thumbnails