Sunday, August 03, 2008

In the Pacific Northwest, the Grass Actually IS Greener!

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade..
2. You've experienced condensation on your bottom from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5 . You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is 'nature'.
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Minnesota, Maine, Connecticut, or Vermonth where..
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. 'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.
3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Gene, Betty Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often seem to be driven by headless people.*

OR, if you're REALLY lucky, you can love in Seattle, in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where:

  • The only honking you ever hear is from geese.
  • You obey all traffic laws except "keep right except to pass."
  • You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "walk" signal.
  • You recycle absolutely everything.
  • You use the words "sun break" and know what it means.
  • You consider it a sunny day if the sun is visible at some point during the day.
  • You're not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain" and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers." You can't wait for a day with "Showers and sun breaks."
  • In the winter you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark--while only working eight-hour days. And in the summer you bring your dog to the dog park for a few hours before work and go kayaking for a few hours after work -- all in daylight.
  • You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
  • You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
  • You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50 degrees, but you still wear your hiking boots and parka.
  • You switch to your sandals when it gets above 60.
  • You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
  • You know one conservative – a friend of a friend who lives in Idaho.
  • You own 17 pairs of sunglasses – 16 of which were purchased when you couldn’t remember where you put the last pair… last year.
  • Your fanciest outfit consists of an Eddie Bauer button-down, an REI fleece, and Northface zip-off shorts.
  • You can stand on any corner and see at least six Starbuck’s.
  • You know the baristas at all six by name.
  • You can’t order coffee using less than 42 words.
  • You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Tully's. You think “Peet’s” refers to ground cover.
  • You know at least eight people who work for either Microsoft or Boeing.
  • Of the Microsoft employees, three are burnouts, two of whom two are millionaires.
  • You and your friends share “start-up” stories.
  • You know how to pronounce "Sequim", "Puyallup" and "Issaquah."
  • You know where the Troll lives – and have sat on his lap.
  • “EMP looks like a burnt marshmallow on a smashed guitar” makes perfect sense to you.
  • You remember the Kingdome.
  • You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
  • You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
  • You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye.
  • You consider swimming an indoor sport.
  • You know that your soccer game will be played, no matter how torrential the downpour.
  • You can tell the difference between Chinese, Thai, and Vietnamese food.
  • You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can't see through the cloud cover.
  • You know what "the mountain is out" means.
  • You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
  • You knew immediately that the view out Frasier's window was fake... and that there's no hospital that close to the Space Needle.
(*with thanks to my friend Karon for the first eight segments of this post.)

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Treff said...

I recently moved from Seattle to Berlin and your blog is making me homesick!

This post was hilarious! I grew up near Chicago and always get teased about putting prepositions at the end of my sentences!!!

Thanks for making me laugh! I needed that today...

Maria said...

LOL! Sad, but true (from the girl who gew up in MN and can apply both the MN and midwest stereotypes).


Jen said...

Pretty darned funny, Carol. I know these lists nailed both NYC and the Midwest.

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