A Beautiful and Stormy Drive from Seattle to Pullman: A Photo (and Video) Essay

The lightning was incessant, but I'm surprised I was able to actually capture a bolt.

A straight line in the middle of nothingness on the GPS -- for hundreds of miles!














"Cougar Country" (that is Washington State University -- WAZZU -- fans) encompasses pretty much all of Eastern Washington. This building is a good hundred miles from campus.)

With Aleks at the helm, both Kat and I snapped away.At one point Kat asked if I thought Pioneer Woman lives in country like this. (Yeah, we're both fans; she loves PW's photography tips and we both love her recipes.) Hmmm -- I'll bet she does!


The sky just kept changing! One minute it was light, the suddenly...

...darkness!



Dorothy? Wake up!



We even captured a few minutes of video -- but only after we'd passed through the worst of the storm. Aleks had asked to drive back when it was totally calm and the road consisted of miles on end of straight-aways... but as it turned out he was the best one to have driven through the storm because he was able to maintain a completely cool exterior (although he admitted to me later that he was clutching pretty tightly to the wheel!)! The wind gusts were freaky, blowing huge tumbleweeds at and directly in front of the car, and the torrential rain made it difficult to see. Once we got to Pullman, we heard that the storm had been all over the news!

I Don't Want to Talk About It, Okay?

Mother and Daughters: Spirits and Souls

My co-worker Rebekah asked me an interesting question the other day, and it got me thinking.

"Which of your daughters is most like you?" she asked as we stood in line for our favorite fish tacos at Taco del Mar, talking about our kids -- her baby and almost-kindergartener, and my... my... (just say it, Carol!) adult kids.

It was such a simple question, but I couldn't answer it.

Which of my daughters is most like me?

The knee-jerk response would have been Elisabeth because she and I have similar interactions with the world. We're both outgoing, striking up conversations with strangers without hesitation. We both have a bit of a propensity toward the dramatic -- simply for the sake of the drama (and others' reaction to it). We're both socially adventurous and even a tad gregarious, ready to jump in to just about any situation with spontaneity and optimism. And if you know us even a little bit, we're as easily read as an open book.

Elisabeth and I have similar spirits.

But Kat and I are more alike than most people realize. Although not downright shy, Kat is the most private and the quietest of our children. She's more restrained in social situations and tends to test the waters before diving in. She knows herself extremely well and doesn't hesitate to quietly and confidently opt out of social situations in favor of time alone with her own singular pursuits, such as photography.

Sometimes I feel such a kinship with Kat that it scares me. Without saying a word to each other, I often know exactly how she's feeling deep inside. When she comes home from a busy day and heads right for her nightly bath, I know that she's seeking peace and solitude and a place to privately decompress, because I do the same. When she chooses to watch a good movie instead of join the raucous activities of a large impromptu family get-together, I know -- on a gut level -- the need for calm that beckons her. When she chooses to privately work through emotions rather than announce them to the world, I know where that comes from, too.

Kat and I have similar souls.

My daughters share some similarities, yet they are different as night and day. And in their personalities and their ways of dealing with other people in the world, I see the yin and yang within myself, the embodiment of my own spirit and soul.

Empty Nest Syndrome: I'm Afflicted!

I've known for a long time that, come this summer and fall, our youngest three kids would be flying the coop. Elisabeth has been living on her own in Seattle for two years now, and I was just getting used to that. But nothing could prepare me for "losing" three kids at one time!

Nothing could prepare me for how it feels to actually watch Peter and Danelle load all their belongings into a moving van that in two days will be headed for their new apartment at Washington State University.

Nothing could prepare me for Kat's call on Monday, asking me to go with her to look for an apartment near UW (even though she'll be attending nursing classes at a community college), where her twin brother will be in school next year, and near Wallingford, where Elisabeth lives.

(Even Elisabeth has decided to go back to college in the fall, although she knows that paying for post-baccalaureate college is up to her... so that makes FOUR kids in college!)

Nothing could prepare me for receiving housing information from Theta Chi, the UW frat to which Aleks has pledged and where he'll live next year.

Nothing could prepare me for the pit I felt in my stomach yesterday when I just about cleaned out the kids' college accounts just to pay the first tuition installments -- realizing, finally beyond a doubt, that those accounts won't even cover their entire first year of college.

And nothing could prepare me for the tears that came without warning this morning as I remembered my mother's warm, heart-felt hug as she and my dad said goodbye to me after moving me into Santa Cruz dorm at UC Santa Barbara in the fall of 1975.

I think I could handle one kid leaving home at a time -- and, really, I did OK when Elisabeth left (partly because Laura moved in two weeks before Elisabeth moved out!).

But THREE at once? I think that's just cruel.

Nick Names

Danelle's family has some fun nicknames:

There's an Asian market in Seattle called Uwajimaya. Danelle's family calls it "Hoochi-mama."

Danelle's uncle has diabetes. Her nephews couldn't pronounce it when they were little, so they called it "heebie-jeebies."

In Washington, lots of places (cities, rivers, mountains, etc) have Native American names. Puyallup (pronounced correctly: "Poo-yall-up') is often referred to at our house as "Pull-y'all-up"!

Does your family have favorite fun nick names?

In the Pacific Northwest, the Grass Actually IS Greener!

You can live in Phoenix , Arizona where.....
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade..
2. You've experienced condensation on your bottom from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5 . You know that 'dry heat' is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

You can Live in California where...
1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought

You can Live in New York City where...
1. You say 'the city' and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is 'nature'.
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You've worn out a car horn.
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.

You can Live in Minnesota, Maine, Connecticut, or Vermonth where..
1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco..
2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.
3. You have more than one recipe for moose.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.

You can Live in the Deep South where...
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. 'y'all' is singular and 'all y'all' is plural.
3. 'He needed killin'' is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob , Jimmy Gene, Betty Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

You can live in Colorado where...
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.

You can live in the Midwest where...
1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: 'Where's my coat at?'
5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, 'It was different!'

You can live in Florida where..
1. You eat dinner at 4:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often seem to be driven by headless people.*

OR, if you're REALLY lucky, you can love in Seattle, in the beautiful Pacific Northwest where:

• The only honking you ever hear is from geese.
• You obey all traffic laws except "keep right except to pass."
• You stand on a deserted corner in the rain waiting for the "walk" signal.
• You recycle absolutely everything.
• You use the words "sun break" and know what it means.
• You consider it a sunny day if the sun is visible at some point during the day.
• You're not fazed by "Today's forecast: showers followed by rain" and "Tomorrow's forecast: rain followed by showers." You can't wait for a day with "Showers and sun breaks."
• In the winter you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark--while only working eight-hour days. And in the summer you bring your dog to the dog park for a few hours before work and go kayaking for a few hours after work -- all in daylight.
• You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.
• You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.
• You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50 degrees, but you still wear your hiking boots and parka.
• You switch to your sandals when it gets above 60.
• You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.
• You know one conservative – a friend of a friend who lives in Idaho.
• You own 17 pairs of sunglasses – 16 of which were purchased when you couldn’t remember where you put the last pair… last year.
• Your fanciest outfit consists of an Eddie Bauer button-down, an REI fleece, and Northface zip-off shorts.
  
• You can stand on any corner and see at least six Starbuck’s.
• You know the baristas at all six by name.
• You can’t order coffee using less than 42 words.
  
• You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle's Best Coffee, and Tully's. You think “Peet’s” refers to ground cover.
• You know at least eight people who work for either Microsoft or Boeing.
• Of the Microsoft employees, three are burnouts, two of whom two are millionaires.
• You and your friends share “start-up” stories.
• You know how to pronounce "Sequim", "Puyallup" and "Issaquah."
• You know where the Troll lives – and have sat on his lap.
• “EMP looks like a burnt marshmallow on a smashed guitar” makes perfect sense to you.
• You remember the Kingdome.
• You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.
• You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it's not a real mountain.
• You know the difference between Chinook, Coho and Sockeye.
• You know what these are: SKOOKUMCHUCK, WYNOOCHEE, STILLAGUAMISH, SKOKOMISH, NISQUALLY, SNOQUALMIE, STILLAGUAMISH, CHAMOKANE, CHAMOKANE, KLICKITAT. (They're rivers.)
• You consider swimming an indoor sport.
• You know that your soccer game will be played, no matter how torrential the downpour.
• You can tell the difference between Chinese, Thai, and Vietnamese food.
• You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you can't see through the cloud cover.
• You know what "the mountain is out" means.
• You've actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.
• You knew immediately that the view out Frasier's window was fake... and that there's no hospital that close to the Space Needle.

(*with thanks to my friend Karon for the first eight segments of this post.)

Give me a J! Give me an E! Give me an A! Oh, Never Mind...

Tom left on Friday for his 35th high school reunion in Southern California, which took place last night. Although I was tempted, I managed not to call him at 10:00 PM just to see how it was going.

But I might call him this morning just to see how it went...

You know that really cute, very shy guy that all the girls wanted to take care of in high school? The one who was too shy to know what to do with that sort of attention -- which actually made him even more attractive? That was Tom. He never went to a school dance, never was part of any "in" crowd, and never dated.

Well, never dated until the last month of high school -- which is when he got together with the woman who was his girlfriend for the next year or so, a woman who is, coincidentally, one of the organizers of the 35th reunion! I met her at the 10th reunion, which took place just weeks after Tom and I were married, and I really liked her. And now, 25 years later, Tom is going to his second reunion. Alone.

Am I jealous?

Hmmmm. Normally I'd tell you that I don't have a jealous bone in my body because really, I never have. Neither of us have. Jealousy is a wasted emotion that leads to nothing at all productive, and we both know that. Tom has always encouraged me to see Thomas when I go to Germany, which I really honor because my friendship with Thomas is so important to me and Tom is right not to be jealous of it. And Tom was never jealous of my adult friendship with my dear childhood friend, Luki, whose wife was jealous and forbid our friendship, at which point I literally cried on Tom's shoulder and he was completely supportive.

And to be fair, I went to my 20th and my 30th high school reunions alone, too -- and yes, there were a few ex-boyfriends in attendance at those reunions. Tom and I are both of the opinion that, unless a couple went to high school together or both already know a bunch of people who will be there, it's just dumb to bring a spouse because then you spend the whole time introducing your spouse to people rather than fully being there and taking part in the occasion. I believe that, too. I didn't really even want to go.

So why would I be even a tad bit jealous now? It has nothing to do with trust because I trust Tom implicitly. I think it has more to do with my own self-esteem. Although Tom is the same weight he was in college and aged fabulously (which I'm sure the entire female population at his reunion will notice!), I'm... well... significantly heavier that I was in college, and... let's just leave it at the fact (is it, in fact, a fact?) that men tend to age better than (menopausal) women! I know that my reaction has to do with self-esteem because when Tom looked at the reunion website and responded with, "Hmmm, everyone got old... and what happened to all those young svelte bodies? !" my reply was, "It happens to the best of us, my dear!"

So this jealousy thing? This completely unfamiliar emotion that sits at the pit of my stomach and eats at me? I don't like it. Not one bit. It is stupid and unproductive! And I'm about 99% sure that it's unwarranted. But damn that 1%!

Excuse me while I make a quick phone call...

"Who I Admire (and Adore)" by Carol S.

Introducing Jack, the almost-6-year-old son of my office mate and my newest bestest friend, Rebekah who, in her mid-30's, is mostly buddy but also just a tiny bit daughter for me. I adore her good-natured humor, her warmth, her total optimism, her smarts, and... well, her KIDLETS, Jack and Nora.

I mean, look at this face:


Admit it -- all it took was one glance and you were in love too, huh?

Don't tell the Big Boss (who happens to be away on vacation), but Jack spent an hour or so at the office today and just blew me away with his smarts, his charm, his ability to draw an ice cream cone eating snake with wings half in and half out of a river, and -- let's face it -- his disarming good looks. (I asked him to be my boyfriend, but he turned me down... and with a giggle, no less!)

Rebekah is a fellow project manager who has made a fine art of project management -- not just at work, but 24 hours a day. You know what my day looks like and how stressful this job is because I've whined and kvetched about it repeatedly on this blog. But how dare I complain! Rebekah has basically the same job I have, but in addition to the gazillion details and balls to keep in the air at work she's a single mom to these two sweet, adorable kids (who, by the way, I get to babysit for on Sunday)! I won't get into details of her life here, but let me just say that she deserves only the very best and I know that someday she'll find it. And that she has my complete and total admiration.

She mentioned yesterday that she'd sent a run-down of her daily schedule to her mom (who she says I'm "exactly like, and not at all like") and I asked her to share it with me.

Then I begged her to allow me to share it with you. Hold your breath and ready that rum and Coke because when you finish reading this, you'll need it:

"5:30 AM Alarm goes off. Sigh. Press snooze
5:39 AM Snooze again
5:48 AM Ok, just one more time
5:56 AM Get out of bed grudgingly
6:00 AM Push 'start' on coffee maker; while coffee is being made, unload dishwasher, make lunch for the day
6:15 AM Take coffee downstairs to basement where breast pump is set up; pump. Check work email on cell phone. Read day's news on cell phone
6:30 AM Put milk in fridge, wash breast pump and containers - get things ready to sterilize later
6:40 AM Take a shower; use shower to wake up, making up for the fact that I'm drinking decaf coffee
6:50 AM Contemplate getting out of the shower
6:55 AM Get out of the shower; feel guilty about water usage and killing our planet. Moisturize and throw on bathrobe
7:00 AM Start hair and makeup.
7:10 AM Stop hair and makeup because Jack is up and wants breakfast. Give morning hugs and kisses.
7:11 AM Realize that Nora is also awake
7:13 AM Change Nora's diaper, dress her. Challenge jack to get dressed and "beat" Nora to the finish line.
7:20 AM Everyone is dressed (except me) and ready for breakfast. Start breakfast
7:25 AM Nora starts fussing; needs to eat. Warm some of the milk in the fridge.
7:28 AM Give Jack a bottle to feed Nora. Finish making breakfast. Put breast pump funnels into microwave to sterilize.
7:32 AM Give Jack breakfast, pack up breast pump.
7:35 AM Eat my own breakfast with Jack; feed Nora while I eat.
7:37 AM Remind Jack to sit in chair and eat.
7:39 AM Remind Jack to sit in chair and eat.
7:41 AM Remind Jack to sit in chair and eat.
7:45 AM Nora is done with bottle; burp her. Finish own breakfast.
7:50 AM Put Nora in bouncy seat; go get dressed.
8:00 AM Nora is fussing. Change diaper.
8:05 AM Finish hair and makeup while Nora lays on the changing table in the bathroom.
8:10 AM Wonder where Jack is.
8:15 AM Round up Jack because he's outside without shoes and he hasn't had breakfast.
8:17 AM Demand Jack finish breakfast; become frustrated; put Nora in the swing.
8:20 AM Start packing up the car - laptop bag, breast pump, diaper bag, 2 bottles, lunch, Jack's backpack.
8:22 AM Jack has eaten half his bagel, which is good enough. Ask Jack to find his shoes while I gather everything for the car.
8:25 AM Ask Jack to find his shoes.

8:27 AM Ask Jack to find his shoes.
8:30 AM Jack has found shoes, car is packed up, but Nora is now tired and cranky.
8:31 AM Put shoes on, turn off all lights, tell Jack to get buckled in car, put keys in door.
8:35 AM Buckle Nora in car seat; await screaming.
8:36 AM Quickly lock house and get Nora's car seat in car. Run around to my side and start car. The motion from the car will quiet the baby.
8:38 AM Start to back up, but notice Jack isn't buckled. Tiredly instruct Jack to buckle (again)
8:40 AM Back out of driveway with screaming baby and race down street.
8:43 AM Nora asleep.
9:00 AM Drop Jack off.
9:05 AM Race to get to the freeway, only to …
9:15 AM … sit in traffic
9:40 AM Arrive at Nora's daycare. She wakes up. Give kisses, instructions, etc.
9:50 AM Leave
9:51 AM Let out enormous sigh of relief that everyone is where they should be
10:00 AM Arrive at work; realize I'm ready for a nap and in need of some caffeine.
10:30 AM Think about pumping but put it off.
10:55 AM Realize I must pump THIS MINUTE or explode.
11:00 PM Pump (or as I like to say, "contact my suppliers")
11:20 PM Back to work; eat lunch at desk and try to get as much work done as possible.
1:20 PM Call Farah to see when I should feed Nora.
2:00 PM Leave to go see baby and nurse; check work email on phone and respond (typing with one hand).
2:40 PM Back to work.
3:55 PM Pack up everything so I can leave right at 4; get urgent email from client that needs to be responded to asap …
4:15 PM Crap! Still at work. Leave in a huff, listening to the traffic report as I race off to get the baby.
4:20 PM Pick up and pack up Nora.
4:30 PM Leave daycare to find that the traffic dude was right: it is a mess; sit in traffic and stew.
5:30 PM Arrive to pick up Jack, apologizing furiously. Chat with whoever is watching him.
6:15 PM Arrive home; unpack car.
6:30 PM Try to ignore messy house and start dinner; sterilize bottles/breast pump while making dinner.
6:35 PM Nora is hungry. No time to nurse; warm bottle.
6:38 PM Argue with Jack about feeding her a bottle.
6:40 PM contemplate running away to Tahiti as Nora screams from hunger and Jack screams in exhaustion/defiance.
6:42 PM Refuse to make dinner until Jack feeds the baby; Jack complies.
7:00 PM dinner is served.
7:05 PM ready to explode again; sneak downstairs and pump.
7:10 PM yell at Jack to stop spying on me and go back upstairs.
7:12 PM use convincing tone to say, no, seriously, GO UPSTAIRS.
7:20 PM Put milk in fridge, pour glass of wine, start shower for Jack.
7:23 PM Get Jack in shower; change Nora's diaper and put her in jammies and swaddle blanket.
7:27 PM Wash jack's hair.
7:30 PM Get Jack out of shower, moisturize and get him in jammies.
7:35 PM Ask Jack to brush his teeth.
7:36 PM Ask Jack to brush his teeth.
7:38 PM Ask Jack to brush his teeth.
7:40 PM Have Jack go to the bathroom and get in bed while I put Nora in her bed.
7:41 PM Nora is very sleepy. Put her in crib; turn on Fisher-Price aquarium; give pacifier.
7:43 PM Sneak out of room.
7:44 PM Find Jack doing something besides being in bed; scold
7:45 PM Get books and get in bed with Jack.
7:47 PM Start to read but hear Nora fussing.
7:48 PM Go in room, turn on aquarium again, plug in pacifier; tiptoe out.
7:50 PM Get back in bed and finish reading.
8:05 PM Cuddle and talk about the day.
8:15 PM Make some excuse about getting out of bed; make Jack lay very still with eyes closed until I return.
8:30 PM Praise genius plan when I return to find him sacked out. Nora is also asleep.
8:31 PM Rejoice … then furiously clean kitchen, putting breakfast and dinner dishes in dishwasher.
8:40 PM Boil water to sterilize breast pump and the days bottles; get coffee ready for next day.
8:45 PM Make up bottles for the next day; put in fridge.
8:50 PM Start laundry/dishwasher, etc.
9:00 PM Pick up living room.
9:10 AM Put Nora's clothes for next day on changing table.
9:15 PM Put on pajamas, brush teeth, wash face.
9:25 PM Boot up computer and get online with work.
11:00 PM Finish work (or just stop because so. very. tired …); pack up laptop.
11:05 PM Go downstairs to pump; try not to fall asleep.
11:25 PM Wash breast pump and container bottles and quickly sterilize in microwave for next morning.
11:35 PM Get in bed.
11:36 PM Asleep.
3:45 AM Wake up because Nora is fussing; get her from crib and nurse her in bed.
4:00 AM Doze off again.
5:30 AM Alarm goes off. Time to start another day!"

I know that I had days a bit like that when I had four kids under the age of five, but I didn't have the commuting and daycare part of it. And when Rebekah says "back to work," she's leaving out about a million different details of her job, from meeting with clients to devising project briefs and workback schedules and juggling contractors and, yes, keeping those pesky balls in the air.

So my nomination for Mother of the Year goes to my dear friend, Rebekah, who does it all without complaint, with a smile on her face, and with a sarcastic wit that keeps me laughing all day. (And in case you're wondering -- yes, she is beautiful, too.)

I want to be just like her when I grow up.