Missing in Action

…or rather, INaction. 

I used to blog incessantly, about every little thing, no matter how trivial.  I was constantly amazed that anyone at all visited my blog but somehow over the years I attracted a following of people who, for whatever reason, found my relatively mundane life interesting.

Then I joined Facebook and I slowly stared posting trivialities about my mundane life there instead of on my blog.

Oddly enough, I constantly ask myself now whether a topic is blog worthy – which I never used to do.  And 99% of the time I answer myself with a resounding NO.  So I Facebook said topic instead which, truth be told, simply bores a different audience!

Regardless of whether my loyal readers miss me, I miss blogging!  So I’m making an effort to come back.  Brace yourself more of the truly mundane!

So where have I been, you ask? 

Mostly hanging out here in the Land of Limbo. 

Although my company Sandcastle Educational Consulting is still alive and well (though a bit dormant at the moment), I am looking for full-time work as an Educational Media Specialist (“I create experiences that engage and inspire youth and families”) with my eye and heart focused on one position in particular with Microsoft’s Kinect for Kids.  Just how perfect would THAT be?!

I’ve interviewed twice and now it’s pretty much a waiting game while that team re-structures and figures out what their needs are and where (if anywhere) I’d best fit.  My fingers have been crossed for so long that I have a feeling they’re stuck this way forever – which is fine, because hope and optimism never hurt anyone.

And if that position doesn’t pan out, I’ll do my own re-assessing.  Unfortunately, Sandcastle doesn’t offer great benefits that allow us to save for retirement, which is really where we need to focus now that we’re ONE TUITION PAYMENT AWAY (!!!) from being done with paying for kids’ college – something we’ve done for the past ten years solid!

So instead of waiting until everything is resolved and all nice and pretty, as I’ve been doing thus far, I guess I’ll blog all the ups and downs and ins and outs of my life – just as I did for five years until I… didn’t.

And hey, guess what?  I’m solidly on the road to getting back in shape and finding a new healthy me – or, as I indicate on the masthead of my blog at My Fitness Pal, “steadfastly clawing my way back from the depths of LETTING MYSELF GO.”  This journey is a tough one and has been where I’ve focused the majority of my energy lately.  After almost 30 years of focusing on everyone else’s health and needs, I am finally, finally focusing on my own.  It actually is beginning to feel good and I am actually beginning to look forward to the endorphin rush that I get each day when I work out at the gym. 

I know – that looks funny to me too!  Me?  Working out daily at a gym?  Yup!  I lift weights (a full circuit!), sweat on the elliptical, and swim.  Something every single day.  Me!  Can you believe it?  And for two months now I’ve tracked every single morsel that’s gone into my mouth – which is so easy using the My Fitness Pal app’s bar code scanner!

So ten pounds down, forty to go.  Ugh – that just looks so daunting!  But I’m taking it one pound, one centimeter , one lap, and one carrot at a time, allowing myself a full year to accomplish my goal.  If nothing else, I should feel better this year (my third!) at the Danskin Triathlon… where I plan to actually jog, rather than walk for the first time since breaking my ankle three years ago.

So yeah, that’s where I’ve been.  I promise not to stay away for so long again… as long as you promise that you won’t mind if I go back to posting the mundane. 

Expired and inspired

This expired a few days ago (though I really haven’t used it lately):

Today I’m headed to the gym to attempt a VERY mini triathlon in a five-months-out Danskin Triathlon self-pre-assessment -- because I’m terrified and hugely lacking confidence that I can do this.

My Easter morning goal will be 1/4 mile swim, 5 mile bike, and 1.5 mile walk (yes, I said walk).

I’ll do this today in honor of my mother, who was always far more athletic than me and who died on Easter morning six years ago.

Pity the Kitty

March, 2009:

March, 2010:

The difference is that I understood why I had to wear the stupid cast; Boo doesn’t.  Poor guy!  (This is not good for his dude-ness…)

Doing a little jig on my one-year “ankleversary”!

A year ago today I stupidly slipped on the ice on our front steps and broke the three big bones and tore dang near all the ligaments in my left ankle.

Today, just three weeks after having the hardware store in my ankle removed…

…I’m putting the whole ordeal behind me and steppin’ out! 

Thinking outside the railing

Look what Tom brought home from Bed, Bath & Beyond today!  All this time we’ve been talking about installing a wrought iron railing on the steps where I slipped and broke my ankle almost a year ago, but all the iron railings we liked were too expensive and Tom just couldn’t bear the thought of nailing in a few old two-by-fours as I’d suggested (only half-kidding).

I never even knew these things existed!  Did you?

(Yes, that is, in fact, ice on the waterfall… and a non-slip, non-color-coordinated rug on the bridge!)

They’re heavy-duty rubber mats made to look like wrought iron! 

Finally, finally, I feel like I can relax a little when I go down these steps now.  Thanks, m’dear! 

I’m in stitches!

(But I’m not laughing.)

Damn, now I can’t wear those cute strappy stilettos!

Gone, baby, gone!

Next week or the week after, I might decide that having the hardware removed from my ankle was worth it, but today I’m wondering what on earth got into me! 

The surgery apparently went well, as indicated by this photo of the hardware that I know is no longer in my ankle. 

The anesthesia was… let’s just leave it at “dismal,” OK?  (There was talk of admitting me yesterday due to the effects of the anesthesia!  Fortunately that didn’t happen and I only headed home much later than expected.)

But… déjà vu!  I feel like I’m right back where I was last winter – back in the boot, non (or barely) weight-bearing, in pain, and butt-down and foot-up. 

OK, I’m done complaining now.  I know this is quite temporary and that makes it all much better.  Hopefully the saga of Carol’s broken ankle will soon come to a close –a full YEAR after the whole thing started!

Un-roboting* Day!

It’s been 49 weeks since I fell and broke everything in my ankle, resulting in the roboting of my left ankle, but bright and early this morning I will be un-roboted!*

(One of the the screws in the x-ray above has already been removed.  Remember that?!)

*The term “roboting” is courtesy of my fellow “ankler” friend Jessica-with-the-beautiful-cast who had her original surgery and her cast removal on the same days I did.

Unscrewed, unpinned and deplated

Remember this?

On December 8th that hardware store inside me will officially be dismantled and I will be screwless, plateless and pinless!

I can hardly wait!  (That long plate is driving me absolutely bonkers!)

Training day #1 for the Seattle Danskin mini-triathlon 2010

About two days before I broke my ankle last January, my sister-in-law Marcy called from Idaho and asked if I was interested in joining her in August for the Seattle Danskin mini-triathlon. It’d be an attainable goal, she promised, since it was only a half-mile swim, a 12-mile bike ride (all flat!), and a 3-mile run (or walk). I told her I’d definitely think about it, knowing that it’d be a great goal and something I really should do to finally get off my butt and move.

Then I broke my ankle and couldn’t walk again until March. I’m still limping, but I am, indeed, walking (relatively) long distances! (Kat made me walk a mile with her yesterday and, I admit, it felt great… everywhere but my ankle.)

Marcy continued to train for the mini-triathlon and on Sunday she came to Seattle from Idaho to “compete” – which is probably the wrong word because the emphasis is much more on fun and estro-friendship than on competition.

This is the first sight I had of Marcy in over a year:

I realized how much I’d missed her the minute I saw her!

While we waited for Marcy to come around the corner toward the finish line, we also saw these people (and, er, non-people!):

Truly inspiring stuff!

We decided that next year, we’ll make this a mother/daughter event. Marcy and her daughter Tina, along with some of their mother/daughter friends, will join Elisabeth, Kat, and me.

Anyone want to join us? (Daughter not required…) I will need big-time support to get off my butt and spend 30 minutes a day swimming (easy – love it), biking (not hard – like it) or running/walking (next-to-impossible – hate it!). We could train in our own neighborhoods most of the time and then meet, maybe monthly, for a group swim and/or bike and/or run… and some shopping, or spa-ing, or eating!

Anyone? Anyone? Lynn? Tonya? Margaret? Susan? Anyone??

These are for you

But you really need to crank up your smell-o-meter to get the full impact!

Two summers ago we planted a few little lavender bushlets in a location that, if you’re a regular reader of my blog, you know quite well.

This summer the plants have really taken off and they’ve been practically taking over my favorite (cough-cough) steps.

They’ve looked pretty and smelled delicious, as my dear friend Marco can attest to:

 

… but they’ve been attracting gobs of bubble bees* (*photo by Marco!) who think it’s funny to terrorize me as I limp down the steps like an unstable toddler (yes, still)… and they took special delight last week when I wore a full skirt, threatening to fly straight up it, sting me but good, and do their part to match my winter break dancing falling with a summer version.

No thank you!

So after a warm summer rain this evening that chased all but one stubborn bee away, I decided to cut a few bushels of lavender.

Before I could cut even half of it, the box was overflowing!

The house smells fabulous – which is surprising considering that the smell reminds me of the faint smell of lavender in Mom’s bedroom during her final week (courtesy of the Hospice nurses).  But today it says LIFE, not death, to me.

So here you go.  These are for you.

Take a really deep whiff and maybe you can get a hint of the heavenly aroma. 

And hey, when will we be able to contain a smell like this on a little SD card so we can share it with our dear friends?  Marco, Mr. Technical Wizard, could you get cracking on that please? 

To walk in their boots

I inherited Mom’s after ski boots when she died. They’re great Romika boots with a solid tread and they fit me perfectly – once I wiggle my foot into them.

On the night of January 4th around 11:30, Tom asked me if I wanted to take Shasta for a walk with him. It was icy outside and I had just finished working so I was tired. “Sure,” I said, “But only up the hill and back.”

I grabbed Mom’s boots and started to pull them on but decided it was too much work and I threw on my imitation UGGs with the worn-down, barely-still-wavy tread instead.

An hour later Tom snapped a photo of those imitation UGGs – in the emergency room.

A package arrived from Kristin’s sister this morning. At Kristin's memorial, her sister Casey told me that Kristin willed some beautiful pieces of clothing to me and my daughters. She was a classy, elegant dresser and I knew that there’d be some beautiful garments in the box – and there were.

But this is what's given me chills all day:

The first thing I saw when I opened the box was a brand new pair of (real) UGGs.

With tread.

Casey and Kristin had bought them for the winter that Kristin barely lived through and she never had a chance to wear them. Although they're a size bigger than Kristin normally wears, they fit me (both feet!) absolutely perfectly.

I wish I believed in all the “speaking from beyond the grave stuff,” because if I did I’d say that Mom and Kristin, who loved each other (and me) dearly, are both being characteristically protective of me.

I kind of like that; it makes me feel warm – and, yes, gives me chills – all over.

A step in the right direction

Warning: this photo might be completely yawn-inducing for you.

But to me it’s ground-breaking!

Er, perhaps that’s not the best choice of words, considering that the break (or rather, all three of them) was done exactly here on the ground on which I’m standing in the photo.

On January 4th of this year (yes, SEVEN months ago!) I slipped on the ice that lined these steps under the now-blooming lavender. I broke all three ankle bones, tore all ligaments around them, and knocked my tibia and fibula off the foundation of my foot, much like an earthquake might knock a house completely off its foundation.

It’s been a long recovery, but today marked a milestone. See those shoes? They’re pre-injury shoes – on BOTH feet! For the first time since I got hurt, the swelling in my left foot was minimal enough (thanks to a new prescription for mega-doses of Naproxen) that I could slip into both these shoes!

So while you might not want to be in my shoes these days, I’m absolutely thrilled to be in them!

No really, I AM working!

The stars aligned today: I’m working at home, the weather is glorious, and my day isn’t quite as crazed as usual.

(Don’t envy me too much.  They’re re-landscaping next door and a huge dump truck filled with manure just arrived.  PU!)

Of course, on the rare occasion that I have a relatively peaceful day, I know that I will soon be paying for it with an insanely busy day. 

Today, for example, most of my projects are in others’ courts. Microsoft is reviewing a demo as well as translations for its eleven localized versions, a marketing campaign I’m working on is at various stages of client approval, a technical deployment guide is being produced by our team, and other projects are at various points that don’t demand my immediate attention.

Tomorrow, though, and for the rest of the week, as projects land solidly back on my plate, I’ll be in project manager purgatory, reviewing every demo, whitepaper, VO file, and website as it comes my way, and disbursing them every which way for more client feedback and – hopefully – for some final approvals and wrap-ups before the end of the fiscal year.

In other news, I‘ve hit 6+ months since I broke my ankle and I’m discouraged.  My ankle still looks like I have a case of elephantiasis – especially since having the screw removed two weeks ago.

Really – isn’t that just gross? 

Will I ever wear normal shoes again, or am I forever destined to wear ugly tennies and slip-ons with a pad in one shoe to make up for the difference in the size of my feet?

You know what I really miss?  “Rushing around”!  I have a rushing-around, get-it-done approach to most tasks, but somehow moseying and lumbering and limping just doesn’t cut it for me.  It’s insanely frustrating!

Someday I am determined to walk down stairs normally again.  I still have to go down steps like a toddler (foot down, catch up, foot down, catch up…) because I simply can’t yet extend my knee out over my toes which, if you slow down your movements when you walk down steps, you’ll notice is a necessary movement.

But who am I to complain?  I am well aware that the recovery from a trimalleolar fracture  is a long process lasting up to a year or more.  I’m just impatient, that’s all!

You know what I want to do on my ankleversary?  I want to start ballroom dancing lessons with Tom! 

Hell, we’ve very much gone through all this together and he’s been a phenomenal caretaker, dedicated, helpful and compassionate (and truly, he has not complained once!), so we should definitely celebrate together.

I have a screw loose!

Loosened and removed, in fact!

Today was my 6 month post-op appointment with Dr. Benirschke at Harborview Medical Center.

Based on prior experience, I’ve learned not to plan anything else for days when I have “quick” post-op appointments at Harborview – and lo and behold today turned out to be no exception. My appointment was at 10:15 this morning, it’s now almost 5 PM, and we just got home.

Why?

Oh just a little bit of minor surgery.

One of my questions for Dr. B today was why I continue to have limited range of motion in one particular area, and why that area continuously hurts and is perpetually swollen.

Turns out there’s a two-inch screw that Dr. B inserted to hold my tibia and fibula together to give that whole area more strength. Problem is, the dang screw has been causing me not only pain, but decreased range of motion and increased anxiety because it’d especially hurt when I moved my leg just so.

It turns out that there’s also a small risk of this particular screw breaking in the middle as I increase my range of motion, leaving half of it in each bone. That would most decidedly not be good!

“So when can the hardware be removed?” I asked Dr. B today. “Not for a year,” he replied. (Happy ankleversary!) “Except for this one… which I had a feeling might cause some problems. This one can be removed today.”

Gulp.

“What? Are you not emotionally ready?” he teased.

“No, I am. Or I will be. In a minute…”

An hour and a half later (because of his schedule, not my trepidation!), Tom, Elisabeth and I were in a mini-surgical suite, waiting for the surprise procedure.

I’m working on the “emotionally ready” part.

TK the nurse with the beautiful hair, prepared all the instruments and then Dr. B got to work.

First he had to find both the exact right spot and the exact right angle to locate the screw.

Good thing I trust the man blindly. Hey, any world-famous surgeon who answers his cell with “Joe’s Bar & Grill. Joe’s out” has my full trust!

After he marked my skin as if I was having some hoity-toity cosmetic surgery, he told me to just relax while he got things ready. Yeah, OK… but let me turn away first!

First things first. Sleepy stuff for my foot!

You don’t need to see all the shots at all the different angles, do you? Good – neither did I! I kept my eyes on my good ol’ focal point (because I’m a chicken):

First we need a sterile field…

… and then some slicing…

…and some poking…

and some “Marco! Polo!”

And then out came the hex screwdriver

And the vice grip on my leg…

…and some rockin’ and rolling…

And then… GOTCHA!

Dr B warned me about this next part. Because you can’t numb bone, he told me I’d feel it when he started twisting the screw backwards and withdrawing it from the bone. He said people described the feeling as “freaky.”

I can’t even describe what it felt like, except to say that I was very aware that it was deep inside my leg and it resonated in… well, yes, in a “freaky” way! Freaky and painful.

And then…

Well, hello there!

I was just relieved to hear that it was out. One can only take “heebie-jeebie” for so long!

I think Tom was relived too. Elisabeth, on the other hand, was loving the “blood and guts” (OK, no guts!) factor, and was snapping away.

Look! No more screw!

Immediately after it was all over, Dr. B suggested I get up and walk around, assuring me that since only the immediate area was anesthetized, I should be able to walk.

I took three steps and couldn’t believe it! The pain and the limited range of motion in that specific area was completely gone! I’d come into the hospital with a distinct limp and I left without one. (Or much of one…) Once again, Dr. B had performed his magic!

We celebrated with a quick lunch at Ivars on Lake Union.

Granted, this was one very minor hardware removal procedure. The more major one will occur in December, when Dr. B will remove both the 5” plate and the 2” plate, along with the 12 pins and various other hardware. For that procedure I’ll be in the OR and knocked completely out. (Which means sorry, no pictures!)

I’m still numb but it’s wearing off. I’ve been told that I’ll be quite sore for a day or two, but after that I should be moving around SO much better!

I can hardly wait!